Self or Others first?

Hi, do you realized that I happen to only blog when I am not feeling alright? Isn't that good? Because I currently do not have too many post.

Yeah, yeah, but I open up a blog for reason, I think I have to make it a habit to update daily in order to keep track of myself.

At times, people are complicated but it takes time to understand them and keep them. Especially when these people are special to you. But you know, when you are trying to understand them, you tend to cater to their needs. Listening to their rants, advising them and while doing so, you're trying your very best not to hurt them. Because hurting them, defeat the purpose of being with them right?

However, here is something that I am confused about. I am always doing my best to be there for them. I will also be extra careful when comes to talking to them. I will tend to defend them if anyone tries to offend them. (Okay, them, them them, so confusing, lets name this person as B.) Okay, so B, is someone that I really want to keep. A friend that I really care.

But, B overthinks easily. Sigh. He thinks that I do not treat the same way as he treats me? But have you seen my effort in ensuring that our friendship are not falling apart. Everyday, I make sure my words are cool and not hurtful. Everyday, I pray that you have a great day. And there you go thinking that I have totally ignored you the whole day. Have you ever ever EVER consider how am I feeling? Have you ever think whether I am having a great day in school?

and there you go thinking that I am being selfish.

1. Because I ignored you
2. Its all about me in school 
3. I.do.not.sacrifice.for.anyone. 

But there's a saying goes, "if you can't handle their worst, don't even bother handle their best." I want the best of both worlds. Really. I know what kind of person of you. And I do not want to put my effort to waste, understanding you and wanting you as my best friend.

So what matters now here is: Am I a selfish person? I do not sacrifice for anyone? Really? This hurt me when someone said this to me.

I admit that I am selfish.

I really do not want to blame my past. But it is just a way for me to become stronger. However, I am not the worst, I wasn't THAT selfish. 

"When I loved myself enough I learned to meet my own needs and not call it selfish"

Appreciate my presence. There are more worst people out there. Please appreciate my effort for staying. It was never me being selfish. It was just me ensuring that I do not hurt myself. I had enough of it. Please. Look it at the other way round.

Till next time!